drivebycomments

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 23:51:34 GMT

Since I no longer use this journal for comments only, I felt it ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to make a new one with a better name. No, really. The new journal is t3h_wild_child. DO IT.

Open mouth, insert foot.

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 03:24:00 GMT

I had a pretty good day today, once I got to work. Even though we were hella-busy, I had a good time. We made over $800 tonight, and the usual is about $600, and that's on a really busy night. (I am blogging right now, and my shirt says "I'm blogging this." Fun-ny!) I am off for the next two days, that is so rad. I just need to remember to check my online class..hmm.

People who ask you not to do something and then do it themselves (a.k.a. "hypocrites") make me laugh. XD I don't know, maybe it's just me. I never hold grudges. I have so many better things to do with my time. Like smooch Mark! :D My life rocks, man.

Thank god for weekends.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:44:16 GMT

Aside from the annoying setback where I had to come home and listen to Grandma bitch about my room while I was trying to take a nap, today was good. You'd think she would cut me a little slack since for the past three days I have done nothing but go to school, come home, and then go straight to work. But, whatever. I'm not going to get all worked up about it. I'm going to take a nap. :) Oh, and here's that chapter I wrote the other night. I think it needs something more, but it is a first draft that I wrote at 2 in the morning. :P

Elder Tremori stood in the dark hallway and gazed through the crack of the door in silence, lines of deep thought forming upon his forehead and joining the countless others already resting there. The light pouring from the room fell across his face in the form of a thin white bar, casting highlights upon the gray locks of hair which reached well past his shoulders and fell over his robes like a proud symbol of his age. He was an old man, and that was true enough, but the creature he gazed at was not old at all. There she was, sitting before a desk littered with scrolls and parchment, and yet somehow amidst all that mess there was not a single stray blot of ink or a misplaced article. He could only see her back, but even that was beautiful. Thick blonde tresses tumbled over her shoulders and down her back like a golden waterfall, catching the light in the most brilliant way. Vibrant flowers were tucked into her hair here and there, their colors just as bright and their petals just as healthy as if they were still growing in the ground. She moved with an almost inattentive grace, her slender fingertips gliding over the parchment, guiding her eyes across the words before lifting to grasp a quill and execute a beautiful signature in handwriting as elegant as she. Tremori folded his arms across his chest, stroking his beard with the gnarled digits of one hand and releasing an inaudible sigh. He'd been watching her for almost an hour and still she hadn't moved from that chair. She executed her duties brilliantly, and he couldn't have asked for a better counselor -- but that did not stop him from feeling guilty about it.
"Do you plan on staying there all evening?" Her soft words pulled him out of his thoughts gently, and Tremori's blue eyes lifted to the back of her head. She hadn't turned to look at him, but his lips pulled back in a gentle smile nonetheless as he pushed the door open and stepped into the study, his robes whispering gently against the white marble floor. Bookshelves lined the walls, the books immaculately put away in their proper places, the binding facing out so that they could be found easily. Tables here and there bore the signs of both paperwork and practice: pieces of parchment lying under alembics bearing differing colors of liquid, hastily scribbled notes stuck into the pages of various books, and even an open spellbook whose words didn't seem to want to stay in one place on the pages. They shifted and changed, exchanging letters and numbers and sometimes making entirely new ones, a veritable waterfall of writing that fell and flitted over the page without tiring. But none of this was new to him, and Tremori approached the back of the woman's chair, stopping just a few feet away.
"My dear child," he chided gently, the smile still on his lips, "isn't it a bit late?"
"I wouldn't say that," she answered quickly as she dipped the tip of her quill into an inkwell and signed what seemed like the five hundredth sheet of parchment this evening. "It is late for you to be wandering about in the halls, though." Returning his playful chide, she decided that it would be alright to take a short break after all. Setting the quill carefully upon the edge of the inkwell, the woman leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for the briefest moment. Only a very attentive listener would catch the tired sigh she released before turning to the Elder and smiling up at him. Tremori gazed into her periwinkle eyes for a long time, marveling at the way she maintained the utmost grace and elegance even in the face of weariness. Even at this time of night, her eyes remained as bright as they had been early that morning. It seemed that she sensed his concern, for she looked absently away from him and out the window. He couldn't help but chuckle.
"Ah, sweet Necliquele. I do appreciate your dedication, but you are still so young! Do not drive yourself to misery so swiftly, it is not befitting of a dryad." Stepping forward, Tremori placed his worn hands upon her smooth cheeks, turning her face back to him. "You know I care for you as if you were my own daughter," he said in a gentler tone. "It's not necessary for you to work as hard as you have been, and I am worried about you." Necliquele looked down slightly as he brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face, before she stood in one fluid motion and walked to the window she had been gazing out of. Hundreds of feet above the ground, Necliquele had a perfect view of the Isles of Dragorah from a tower high above the courtyard of the castle. From there she could see right up to the edge of this isle, and gaze upon the much-smaller ones floating above and below it. The land hung suspended in the sky by an unknown force, nothing but purple clouds visible in every direction. Nothing existed there except for the people on this isle; they were the only things worth noticing in this space-between-spaces, located somewhere between worlds and dimensions. One would be hard pressed to reach Dragorah without knowing how to, or to stumble upon it by accident. It was the perfect sanctuary for study. The buildings and land all had a soft blue hue to them, as if an azure mist hung in permanent suspension upon the entire isle. On the far side, a sort of garden was visible. It was softer on the eyes than the sharp lines of the buildings around it, and it was toward it that Necliquele gazed. Above the small bushes and carefully trimmed grass--all of which bore that same blue sheen--towered a huge tree, its leaves swaying gently in the breeze that could be felt only at the very edges of the isle. Renowned mages of all kinds came to Dragorah to study, for it was a magical place, and the air itself tingled with mysterious energies that were somehow condusive to their research. There was a waiting list ten times longer than Remordi's beard, and for every name crossed off five more were written. Nevertheless, Necliquele loved the Isles of Dragorah with all her heart. Remordi looked on quietly as she surveyed her home, remaining silent while she worked out her thoughts and waiting for her reply, his hands folded upon the front of his robes. His patience was soon rewarded with the lilting tones of Necliquele's sweet voice. "I appreciate your concern, Elder, but I assure you I am well. There is much to do, that is all. I am trying to catch up." She turned as if to return to her work, but was caught by the stern gaze that Remordi fixed her with.
"I knew you would say that. That is why I have arranged for you to take leave." His hand lifted as her mouth opened, and Necliquele's protest was silenced before it could begin. "I want no arguments, my dear, it has already been settled and the necessities taken care of. You will be leaving in two days." Necliquele gazed helplessly at him. She had to admit that the idea of taking a sort of vacation excited her, yet at the same time her fierce devotion to Tremori and Dragorah forced her to chide herself for such thoughts. Tremori turned his back to her and walked to the door, though as he disappeared into the hallway she heard him call back to her. "Oh, I forgot," he began. "Aabel Snuffspell is going with you!"
"What?!" It was as if someone had thrown a boulder into the still surface of a pond. Necliquele's infallible grace and perfect composure were forgotten in an instant as she ran to the door and threw it back, but she was too late; Tremori was not to be found. He moved fast for an old man! Balling a fist, she hit the door frame in her temper and grumbled irritably as she walked back into the room. "Great," she muttered. "Just great."

"It sounded like a chain smoker trying to sing opera."

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 15:01:26 GMT

I slept in two hours today because I was hella-tired and I had nothing to do in my first two classes. I was getting my lunch together when Bob Clark calls asking for "Icky" (which greatly amused Grandma) and he told me that my Digital Photography class wasn't meeting today. So, I have no reason to go to school. I will just have to turn in my English tutor paperwork tomorrow. (I hope Hether doesn't think I skipped out so I wouldn't have to pay her back, haha.) Free day! w00t. Of course, I will be responsible and use this time for homework. *grin* ..okay maybe I'll do some other things too. Remember how I said I might listen to more Enya at the end of my last post? Well, I did. And I used it as mood music to write the first chapter of a book I have been playing with ideas for in the past few months. I might put it up here..we'll see. It's based off a text roleplay between myself and a girl named Katie that took place more than a year ago. 'Twas fun.

So! Question: Should I dye my hair, and if so, what color? I am bored with my hair. I was letting my natural color grow back in but I don't know if I feel like being a blonde again. You know that style where people get the underside of their hair dyed black and the top is blonde? I kind of want to do something like that. There is a girl at Subway who is a cosmetologist who says she could do it, so I might be doing that. We'll see.

Man, I am really being a hyperposter lately.

I have a confession to make:

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 06:21:23 GMT

I LOVE ENYA!!!

Phew! Now that that's out of my system...

Starting tomorrow, I will officially be an English tutor at SCC. Pretty rad, huh? They pay pretty darn well, I start at $6.75 an hour. Then, if I get the required number of training hours and fulfill the other requirements, I get a 50 cent pay raise next semester, and then the semester after that. :-o I told Marty that I can tutor other students aside from Hether, too. Hether said she saw Marty later and Marty thanked her for bringing her a good tutor. I told Hether it was funny because I have pretty much always tutored people, I just never got paid for it. I <3 English! I considered being an English teacher once, but decided against it. I had to fill out a huge load of paperwork..sheesh.

Assignments: create and illustrate versatile squirrel mascot, design 11x17 poster for Milestone publication, finish culinary t-shirt designs and prepare for presentation.

I totally showed Matthew (digital photography teacher) up on Monday by not only acing his test, but setting a computer up for RAW camera file processing when he couldn't. I was the only person in class who aced his test, bwahahaha. It's because I knew he would be anal. There was a question like, "What should you do if you are trying to open a file and a window comes up telling you that there is a color conflict?" Most people said adjust the color settings, but what he wanted was "hit cancel, then adjust color settings." Which I put. Wheeeee... Oh, and showing Matthew up is a big deal because he is incredibly cocky and self-absorbed. No one likes him, and we all love it when we can somehow prove him wrong or point out his mistakes. The guy is half bullshit anyway, so it's not too hard. In his defense, though, he does know a lot about photography. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so high-and-mighty about it. e_e It's also a big deal because when we first started classes I was browsing the web for a camera during one of his lectures and afterward he pulled me aside and told me that because I wasn't paying attention I had missed a step (which I hadn't), and he didn't want me to become a problem student. Psh. Me. A problem student.

For the next two days I only have to work for four hours, which freaking rocks. I love leaving at 8.

Hmm..it's 2 am. I accidentally took a 3 hour nap earlier so I am wide awake. Stuff to talk about...video games? I'm still playing Oblivion, and my character totally kicks ass. I have finished all the quests for the Dark Brotherhood and the Thieves Guild. I think I have some more for the Mages Guild, but I keep forgetting to drop by there and check. Right now I am working on the Fighter's Guild, then I'll finish the Mages Guild, and then beat the Arena. Then I guess I'll have to go on with the main quest. :P I've been avoiding it like the plague, after all. Nathan (Lyons) has made like 28476921946 characters by now..he keeps making new ones because he will decide he doesn't like the one he has and just do it all over again. Crazy. He is a perfectionist, but I am a completionist.

I went to go see Mark today after school. I was going to bring him Bay's, but they were closed. :( Funny story: I left class early and went to the gas station because I didn't have enough gas to make it home, let alone to Mark's work and then home. I get to the gas station and realize I don't have my wallet. Momentary panic attack before I decide I will just go see if anyone will let me borrow $20. Sure enough, Hether does. So I go get $5 of gas and head to Bay's, only to find out that it's closed. Heh. So I called Mark and he suggested that I just come over and we'd figure something out, so we did that, and decided on a coffee house that he had only been to once. I freaking love coffee houses, so I was all for it. As soon as we walked in I was breathing in so deeply that I got a little dizzy, but I can't help it; I freaking love the smell of coffee houses, and this place had a very potent aroma. I had already eaten, so I got a plain bagel with regular cream cheese. Boring, I know, but it was incredibly delicious. I also got a specialty cappuccino called Carlotta's Caramel that was amazing. I got it iced. I always get my cappuccinos and lattes iced unless it is freezing outside. Mark got a custom club bagel sandwich, and it was definitely good--but that was only because I avoided the tomato. XD After all that we shared a slice of pumpkin cheesecake with whipped cream on top, and boy was that tasty. Super-sweet, too! As always, Mark made me eat the last bite. Psh. Then we drove around and went to see a lake, which made us talk about fishing. I like t3h fishing. And while we were at the coffee house I mentioned that I wished I could take some classes on how to make cappuccinos and stuff, and Mark said I could and he would help me, which pretty much made me giddy with excitement. I love coffee!

I got some new ideas for my coffee house while I was there. I was thinking if I had a big enough building I could have a wall where you could pay a dollar or something like that to write whatever you wanted on it. There would be rules, of course, like nothing offensive or obscene. Or Mark said he knew of a place where you could write something on a dollar and stick it to the wall, which would be way cool..cause at the end of the year I could take them all down and start fresh, not to mention the fact that I'd have a bunch of extra money. :D I will probably also paint all over my walls with quotes and the such, maybe even a mural. Hmm. Either way, I want a warm atmosphere, probably with a darker color on the walls (maybe an orangy beigy reddish brownish..thing?), with couches and chairs in one part of it with reading lamps, and a wi-fi connection...I have tons of ideas. I really hope I get to see all of it come to fruition.

Well, beyond the grand ideas and the good days, I should probably get some sleep now. Or at least try to, since I still don't feel tired at all. Maybe I'll just listen to more Enya. Juan already says I have terrible music taste because I love techno, I can only imagine what he would say if I told him I love Enya, too. XD Good stuff.

When your own words fail you..

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 04:31:17 GMT

I didn't hear you leave,
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing,
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am,
I do what I want, but I can't hide
And I won't go, I won't sleep,
I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave, and I can't hide,
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me.

I don't want to call my friends,
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed,
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
And I won't go, I won't sleep,
And I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave, and I can't hide,
I cannot be, until you're resting here with me

Let it all go on and on.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 04:48:16 GMT

I went out to eat Chinese with Mark tonight, and my fortune cookie seemed a little down. It said something like, "In order to truly love something you must realize that it can be lost." At that time it made me uncomfortable; but now here, in the dark, with music playing and with time to think, I really like that fortune. I should have kept it. I have a terrible fear of losing the things I love -- a fear so great that I have shed many unnecessary tears over it -- but what a silly fear. Eventually, we will all lose the things we love. I guess the point is to cherish them while we have them, and make the most of it. So I am going to do just that. :) I really cherish what I have right now, and moreso each passing day. It never ceases to amaze me.

/mushy stuff

Well anyway, it's time for sleep. If I can fall asleep before 1, I will get my necessary 6 hours.

P.S.- Tonight was freaking amazing.

b0redz

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 19:59:15 GMT

So, I lose weight when I eat a lot. That rocks! Seriously though, I had 19867276 things to eat yesterday and I lost 2 pounds. w00t.

I don't know where anyone is, blaaahhhh.. No one is at the shop (at least no one willing to answer the phone), and Mark's not answering his cell. Icky bored! I could work on my assignments, but that would be the responsible thing to do.. Hey, lookie here. We got an assignment when school first started where we had to pick one of the SCC departments and design logos for their shirts. We have to do three: one typographical (only type), one humorous, and one serious. The first two are easy, but I am struggling with the last one..mainly because I try and be creative with all my projects and I can't think of anything. Oh well, it will come to me. Anyway, here is a scaled-down version of my humorous one:

I don't know why Illustrator does it, but it puts a whitish line around the red when the black is behind it..oh well. Anyway, that's it. Play on Star Wars if you didn't catch it.

My post card is done, but I still need to work on designing the school mascot. All I have is a sketch. I don't know if I ranted about this before, but our school mascot is "Gus the Squirrel" now. Apparently this is because someone donated a free squirrel outfit. The thing is, the drawing they did of it (no one knows who drew it) looked more like a beaver than a squirrel, and we were furious because it looked like total shit and no one asked us. Then, about a week later, Bob Clark starts laughing when he assigns our next project, and it's to design the squirrel. Mainly we need to design one riding on a bike, but they need one they can use over and over, so I am thinking about doing maybe two or three designs. Meh, we'll see. I am lazy, after all, and there is no set deadline for me to aim for.

I do still need to print out my postcard, I totally forgot about that. And Bob Keeling wants it mounted all fancy. Damn. I guess I'll go do that. I have to go into work at 8, too, because they had no one else and the second girl leaves at 8. e_e I also work on Monday. I'd better have a light schedule this week. Not only did they work me 4 days a week (when I asked for 3 due to school), but they worked me on Sunday, which I put down on my application as the one day I wanted off. Grr. If they try and call me in while Kyle is visiting (friend from Minnesota), I will laugh at them.

I know where I want to go.

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 17:14:36 GMT

I am going to this with Mark at the end of this month. I can't wait! :D We are going to camp! And Craig will probably be there, and other peoples! The details are still blurry. But I am still uber excited! ^_^ I love camping. Not to mention the vendor stuffs and food look totally awesome! Squee! *happy clap*

I think in the past few days I have figured out a lot of things, and I have realized what is important to me in my life. I have learned that you really never do get away from drama, but it's really easy to let it go, especially when you have help and support. So I think I am going to stop worrying about the little things, and about distractions that are little more than hindrances in the long run -- hindrances that don't matter, just like the past. I am an adult now, and I don't have time to waste on fretting and fearing. I have a wonderful life, an amazing boyfriend, and wonderful friends (some I didn't even know I had!), and up until now I don't think I had the emotional capacity or understanding to grasp that fully. Now that I have, I feel like nothing and no one can bring me down. Fewer nightmares and worries, more trust and love. I intend to enjoy myself from now on. :) Yay living!

I love this song so much. There's so much meaning in it, and Conor Oberst writes the best lyrics evar. I especially like the part at the end: "I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery." Too many people expect happiness to be dropped right into their laps. I read an article the other day about staying married. There were over 1,000 divorces in Buncomb County alone last year.

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

- Bright Eyes; "First Day of My Life"

Why wallow?

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 15:12:37 GMT

I have a friend whom I have known for about two years now. He is absolutely miserable. I mean, he is a miserable person. He hates himself with a passion, and he can hardly function as a normal person because of it, especially on his own. He says all the time that he wants help, that he will get help, that he wants to change; but he never does. He never changes. He has lied so many times, and broken so many promises, that I really want nothing to do with him any more. I am the only person who has fought to stay his friend all this time, and it's still like I'm talking to a wall. I told him that until he follows through with all his promises, I want nothing to do with him.

I was there. I know what depression is like. I know how much it hurts, how hopeless it seems, and how hard it is to get away from it. But I got away from it. I got help. And he has all the support in the world from his friends, but he continues to fight it. I, for one, am tired of giving him my time and my advice for nothing. It's a waste of my efforts, and it has been for a long time now.

Beyond all the grumpiness, Hether (a girl in my class) has asked me to be her English tutor. I helped her on one of her assignments today and apparently she was very impressed. She said that the school will pay me to be her tutor if I am up for it, which is pretty rad if I do say so myself. I told her I'd be happy to do that, since I have already taken the class she was in and I got an A. So, that's a new thing for me.

I also work today, and they'd better have fixed my freakin schedule. I am considering moving my days--instead of working at the end of the week, I'll work at the beginning. After all, the beginning of the week is when I first get my assignments, and they are usually due the following week, or even two days after I receive them. If I can work at the beginning and then have the rest of it to do homework, I can get it done early and have more time to do what I enjoy: hang out at the shop! :D Also, if they are making me work with whatserface tonight, I will walk out. Gaw, this chick is so freaking lazy.

As for my bitching the other night about Anna, I am over that. It seems pretty silly now. If she was trying to upset me, I am certainly not going to help her with that by riling myself up about it. If she was just trying to greet Mark in a good friend sort of way, well...hugs are good too. XD Especially Mark's hugs. Anyway, it's not like it changes anything. I'm still the luckiest girl in the world.

School is going well. I am getting my work done, at least. As always, I have a problem with procrastinating and forgetting. I have a post card project due next Tuesday, and I still need to finish my 3 culinary t-shirt designs. I should be doing that right now. I also have to write an essay for Art Appreciation before the end of Saturday, as well as post in three topics on the discussion board. I have a belly ache, too. ;_; Oh, and soon I will probably have to design some travel ads for Japan. Sheesh! But as far as I know I am making straight A's, w00t.

Arg, sleepy! I almost skipped my first class this morning. I'm pretty sure my next class is Design of Advertising, then it's Illustration. I am going to try and leave early so I can take a shower. x_x I didn't have time this morning. Maybe I will just give Bob my Illustration project and leave super early. Then I will have time for a shower AND a nap. Yessss..that sounds like a plan! ^_^

Thoughts, et cetera.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 22:32:51 GMT

Subway screwed up my schedule this week. Big surprise there.

It has occured to me lately that I am sick and tired of defending my relationship--and by "my relationship" I mean "the age difference between me and Mark." Okay, there's 13 years and 4 months. God forbid. The people that used to live next door have two kids and have been married for years, and there are 21 years between them. People in Hollywood date people 30+ years older than they are. So why is it that people feel the need to freak out/whisper/gossip about me and Mark? In fact, why do they do it at all? Do they really have nothing better to do than talk about other people? Again, I thought I had gotten away from high school behavior. (P.S.- This was brought on by Eric, nothing else.)

Christ.

I went out on another walk with my camera. God I love this thing! But unfortunately, bugs love me. I am covered in at least 10 bug bites right now, and they are huge. Ginormous, even. I would say gigantaginormous, but that's cheating. ;) Anyway, this happens every time I go outside. Bugs love me, and I don't know why. It never used to be that way. But now they're like, "OMG THERE SHE IS GET HER! *bitebitebite*" ;_; I'm all itchy.

Stay tuned, I am about to edit this blog with photos!

Breaking points.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 21:35:10 GMT

School is stressing me out big time. Things are getting to me a lot more easily and I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. Now that my dog is gone my only source of comfort is Mark, and I hardly have any time to spend with him. Deadlines are always looming in the back of my mind, and I constantly have 2+ projects to worry about. I will probably have to put in a notice at Subway because I am going to need all my days in order to get some of these projects done in time, and actually do a good job with them. I feel miserable, and my attempts to get a pet are failing one by one.

I need something like Mark in a smaller, pet form.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:22:08 GMT

So, I am still going through pet withdrawl. My cat doesn't count as a pet, it is more that I am her human. Not to mention I am allergic to her. Yeah..I wasn't before, but I figured out I was allergic to cats when I lived with Mike. His cat made my eyes swell up like you wouldn't believe, and Patches does the same thing if she gets close. Last night she curled up on my chest and I petted her without remembering my new allergy, and soon I was a sniffling mess. Bleh. Maybe I will get a small pet. One that is cleaner than chinchillas.

How annoying!

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 18:16:06 GMT

So I was all excited about these way cool pants I bought off of HotTopic.com from their clearance area. They looked totally cool! They get here today, and they're about FOUR INCHES too big. I ordered a size 15, just to be safe, because all clearance sales are final. Those pants fit me like a size 18 or freaking 20! I would have to be HUGELY PREGNANT to fit into them. And then a pair of Dickies I ordered in a 15 fit me just fine. Wtf?! And right now I am wearing size 14 capris that are about 2 inches too big. I wonder about sizes sometimes. Why the hell are some 15's bigger than others? Shouldn't a 15 be a 15 be a 15? And then I have a size 13 skirt that is loose on me. ?!?!?!?! I am very cheesed off right now. Because they were clearance items, I can't return them for a smaller size. I bought four pairs of pants and they all need adjustments. The Dickies are the only ones that don't need to be smaller in the waist, and that's because Dickies usually run smaller than normal pants. But they still need about 5 inches taken off of the leg length. Arg! Grandma says she will do her best to fix them all, but still! That is ridiculous.

Ahhhh sweet bliss..

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 17:38:04 GMT

I stayed up until about 5:30 am this morning, and definitely slept in. Now it's Oblivion and my wonderful boyfriend, and of course my rainbow toe socks. I need to buy more toe socks.

Today is much better.

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 02:14:43 GMT

More nightmares last night.

I was trying to find Mark. I was driving around in my convertible (the only good part of the dream) and trying to find him. I stopped at a Chinese restaraunt and I got some dinner, but I weighed myself and I hadn't gained any weight. I ate a ton more, not feeling full. I still gained nothing. Then Mark came up and I hugged him, but he suddenly took off and I couldn't catch him. The Chinese guy insisted that I pay, even though I told him the food was fake. I paid and left, and down the road (it looked like a modern day Chorrol from Oblivion) were some police officers. I stopped some distance away. They were talking about having arrested Mark. I asked them about it but they flipped me off, so I returned the gesture and went back to my house, and somehow got my hands on a video of me visiting Mark in jail. I was telling him that I loved him and only him and he didn't need to worry because I was going to get him out of there, but he looked aloof and as if he didn't know me. Then a girl I know in real life named Kaitelyn appeared and shoved Mark out of the view of the feed and leaped on me, shaking me violently and yelling "All that you loved is gone! Get used to it!" Then she looked right up at the video feed and that scared me so I turned the TV off. When I turned around, Grandma was standing in my doorway, and I started crying and telling her I couldn't find the real Mark. She said something uncharacteristic for some reason and I got suspicious. I walked forward and the layout kind of turned into something like Oblivion: I pointed my finger at her and in the bottom right corner of the 'screen' in my dream, it said "calipers." I freaked out and shoved her down the stairs, but as soon as I did she turned into a pair of calipers and clattered to the floor. I guess she was enchanted. A couple minutes later my grandfather came up, and I swung at him right away because he never checks on me. He turned into a pickaxe. By this time I was in hysterics and I looked around for a weapon, but all I had was an umbrella. I grabbed it and headed for the door, swinging at another fake Grandpa, before running downstairs and jumping into my car. There were men in dark outfits sneaking out of the shadows everywhere toward me and I started screaming for Mark, and that was it. My alarm woke me up.

Work wasn't very hard today and we got out on time, though something is up with the end of night thing..I dunno, I'll figure it out tomorrow. It was my first time doing the whole end of night computer thing since I quit at the other one and no one had refreshed me, so I went by memory. Oh well, I am not concerned. School on Friday. I talked to Dayna and Sam, and this will be my schedule (hopefully) every week while school is going: Wednesday and Thursday, 4 to close. Friday, 3 to close. And that's it. :)

Just another day (spent on the verge of tears).

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 05:13:19 GMT

Have you ever had one of those days where a bunch of little bad things happen and you don't realize until the very end of it how tired and burnt out you are? My whole week has been that way. Things have been stressful at work: co-workers fighting, people quitting, schedules changing, hours being sprung on me. Things have been stressful at home: my room is a mess and so is the bathroom, so is my car (the inside, and now the outside because I hit my grandpa's truck backing out on the way to work), so are my thoughts. I've been trying to take care of a tattoo that I can't give a break, and I've had nightmares almost all week, though I can't remember all of them. I feel like I haven't slept all week. My body is tired, my head is tired, and I had no idea how stressed I was until tonight. I was at work and I was supposed to get off at 8. I had come in at 12. Sam told me that I would be able to leave as soon as my relief came in and that 'should be around 6 or 7.' That was a huge relief to me. I needed a break; I haven't had a day off since last Thursday. The girl didn't come in. Amie had said she would work if Rachel didn't come in. Amie wouldn't work. I had to stay until closing. When Dayna told me that, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. All my weariness hit me, and I dropped onto a chair and put my hands on my knees. Then the tears came, and I went to the bathroom. It wasn't the kind of crying where you cry willingly because you're sad, it was the kind where tears just come out because everything hurts at that moment. The kind you can't help or stop or fight. Tears poured down my face non-stop for about five minutes, then I sucked it up and pulled myself together. I don't slack off on the job. Once I got nice and distracted again I was laughing, joking, talking, et cetera. We closed the shop, I got home, it hit again in the shower. I didn't cry, I just leaned against the wall and stood there for a long time. I got to the Den at about 10:30 and I was fine again. I was going to get to hang out around Mark for like four hours and play Oblivion for a couple of them, right? Wrong. Normally I wouldn't have minded, I think it was just the sting of having my expectations shattered for the umpteenth time this week. It hit again. I fought it but I lost. Went to the bathroom and composed myself as much as I could. Tears on Mark outside. And on the way home I actually cried--positively bawled. Almost wailing. I could hardly see the road. I've stopped crying again but I can still feel the tears there. I'm sure I will cry later. I'm just tired, and stressed, and tomorrow I will think that I was stupid to let all this stuff get to me. After all, I am supposed to be invincible.

I need to quit being a fuckin' emo. That's why I'm going to let Mark get some sleep instead of bothering him with this shit. That would be selfish. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

and i wait until the weekend comes
so i can clear this uselessness from my brain

this hurting in my chest will always be
normal and default--familiar to me
i'm crying and begging, i want you to stay
but darling that's something that i'll never say
so just go to sleep; yes, put down the phone
i am used to dealing with life all alone

The things we'll never speak of.

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 18:28:03 GMT

there are fearful thoughts whisp'ring in the back of my young mind
right behind the nonsense pictures and the clocks that don't tell time
to the left you'll see a mirror whose reflection is a lie
near the secret chest that we will never speak of

floating upward are the bluebirds that nobly support my dreams
and beneath them are the clouds that hide what never should be seen
and across the candy paths of peppermint and chocolate sheen
is a secret guest that we will never speak of

amidst the paper flowers in their frolic of maché
just between the cards i never sent and things i'll never say
with the pets that i will not forget and others that i may
are the secret tears that we will never speak of

there beyond the safes so locked up tight to keep out all the bad things
and the sunlight dancing on the smiles that fight off all the sad things
past the mounds of lists i keep there to remember all the glad things
hide the secret fears that we will never speak of

so it seems that there behind the colorful veneer
'neath the cotton candy fantasies i'm careful to keep near
buried deep beneath the lies i love and things that i hold dear
lurk the secret things that we will never speak of

The rest of the story.

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 18:43:12 GMT

We had been planning to leave at 11, but Amie had something to do so she said 2. Then Magan had to work and she was supposed to get off at 3:30, but Gringos always keeps her late. We got to Empire Tattoos around 6 or so. The guy in there was an ass! He was working on another girl and he was like "we'll talk it over and maybe we can get started tonight." Amie called Dave at No Regrets and he was like "Fuck them! Fuck Asheville! Get your asses over here!" We stopped at Olive Garden and got foods, then went to No Regrets. We got there around 7:30 ish and I showed my loose sketch to Dave. He made a stencil copy of the Kanji, then started drawing on me for a design. He erased it three times before he took a sheet of tracing paper, drew out the flow of my side/hip, and disappeared into the back room for almost an hour. When he came back, he had the most beautiful sketch! I was way impressed. He stenciled it on and the tattooing began. The outline didn't hurt much. Like a medium pinch in rapid succession. It hurt pretty bad when it hit my hip, and again on my side. Other than that, I was fine.

Amie: "The coloring isn't nearly as bad." FUCK THAT! The coloring was absolute hell. Some of the branch was right on my hip, and the way he was coloring it required him to go over the area a couple times. I am amazed I didn't break Amie's hand. I didn't cry, it was an acute pain, not the kind that wears you down. After the branch was done I was hurting so we took another break, and Dave went to the gas station and got dinner: Pringles and beer. I gladly accepted beers. Then we went to work on the flowers. Agony! ;_; Two of them were right in the crease of my thigh--you know, the part of the skin that folds in when you sit down. That was horrible. Not to mention one of the flower petals is pretty close to a very delicate area if you know what I mean. I was gasping and clenching my teeth and breathing hard..you would have thought I was having a baby. He got the first hip flower done and I needed a friggin break. When we got back to it he mercifully did the flowers that weren't near my hip to give me a break, but it hurt just as much as ever when he went back. That was when I cried. Up until then I had been a trooper, but the skin was tender and swollen and just touching it was agony, and he was tattooing it with a wide needle. Tears were pouring down my face. Finally, he did the yellow and orange in the middle of the flowers, and we were almost done. He still had to clean it all. He used cold water and a paper towel and it hurt just as much as the tattooing when he touched the skin. I was trembling when he let me up, but I was thrilled. The tattoo is BEAUTIFUL. The picture doesn't even do it justice, I will probably try later to get one without the flash so that you can see the detail, but it is amazing. More than I hoped for! When I got home I took a shower, but at the end of the shower I got very close to blacking out. I stopped it by crouching down on all fours, but then I felt nauseated. I threw up beer and the remnants of what I ate, and then I was fine. I have to put petroleum jelly in a thin layer on the tattoo three times a day, and for the first couple nights/days I am wrapping it in ceran wrap--at night so I don't scratch it, and during the day so my clothes don't rub it too hard. I have to work today, which will completely blow. x_x Anyway..pictures! (Oh yeah..the Kanji means "kibou," or "hope.")

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 08:05:35 GMT

My tattoo is beautiful. It hurt like fucking hell, to the point where I was whimpering/cursing/crying/shouting, but I love it. I think it was worth it, but now I need sleep. More on this later.

Nrr.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 21:26:14 GMT

I was delaying on a post because I knew that if I posted about Kentucky Mark would cheat and go "for a good summary of our trip read Nicole's journal," but he hasn't updated anyway so yeah. My mind is on other things right now, but I will say that I had a wonderful time, and the fireworks were amazing.

Right now I am feeling all bummy because I miss my dog. I wanted one for ages and I got a magnificently intelligent one, and then after just four years she is taken from me. Now I have nothing. I gave my chinchillas back, and I can hardly say I own a cat because it's more like the cat owns me. I am suffering from pet withdrawl, and it didn't help to be subjected to several cages full of playful, adorable puppies, and told openly (even though I knew) when I approached them that I couldn't have one. Chances are it will be something like a year before I have a dog again. I'm a pet person. I need pets. I can guarantee you I won't be allowed another one (not so much as a pet frog) until I move out. And that won't happen until I finish college.

*sigh*

On the bright side of things, I got a good scare in on Mark, replaced my gemless right nose stud, and I am going to get a tattoo tomorrow. On the down side, the only tattoo artist I have found who has the skills to finish said tattoo lives in San Francisco. Road trip, anyone? Aside from that, I picked up lots of goodies today, and found a whole corner of Japanese candy at World Market.

Arrrrrg!

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:16:36 GMT

I was so tired and sore when I got home from work that I decided to go to bed. I fell asleep at 9, woke up at 1, can't get back to sleep.. x_x Arg. So I finally got around to switching my user info picture to the one I designed about a week ago.. And I designed a cute maneki neko tattoo the other day, I am thinking I will put it on my hip..:

I guess it's back to bed, to stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep..

I hate pop..love J-pop?

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 06:19:29 GMT

Mark, ever the thoughtful and sweet boyfriend, got me a CD of Utada Hikaru, because I really like the song Simple and Clean. It also has a song called Colors on it that I enjoy very much. Utada rocks my socks! And so does Mark!

scowls

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 18:19:13 GMT

I forgot that I need to do laundry, and I work pretty much all day for the next two days. Since I'm leaving on Friday, and Grandma has helped me many times before with my laundry, I asked her if she would do it as a favor if I brought it all downstairs. She said no. Her reasoning? I play too much. What the fuck? I took care of the house and myself for a month or more while they were gone, I obviously don't play when I have responsibilities. So I accidentally let one slip and she won't help me? I am so pissed off at her right now, and of course she thinks she's justified. God forbid I should try to enjoy what's left of my summer.

Edit- Somehow she misunderstood me and didn't realize that it was because of my schedule that I needed help..I don't know/don't care. She is acting like it's all my fault.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 17:22:32 GMT

I am probably going to get rid of my chinchillas. I don't spend enough time with them, so they aren't friendly to me. They aren't mean, but they are still very skittish. Even though I have put way more into them, I am trying to sell them and all their stuff for $150..about 1/4 of what has gone into them, probably. Oh well. I just don't feel like having the responsibility of taking care of them. I do want another dog..I am really lonely without Spidjit at night. Even though she didn't sleep with me, I hate coming into the house at night and not having her check on me. And she is never in bed with me late in the afternoon any more.. :(

I've been playing Animal Crossing on my DS, and naturally I am about four days ahead, because I am impatient and keep setting the clock forward. I don't care, I never had much honor for real time. I played Oblivion on the 360 yesterday for like six hours or something.. Oh! They bought a HDTV for the Lyons Den, and HOLY CRAP. I never thought high def could make such a huge difference! Oblivion is beautiful with it, and it even enhances little piddly games like freaking Frogger. It is such a huge difference, I can't even begin to explain it. But it is awesome, and so is Oblivion. I made a magical character, since I always make sword-based charras. It's working out pretty well. She's a Dunmer (Dark Elf) and I made my own custom class and called it Llothlorian (after the spider goddess Lloth that the Dunmer follow, with a salute to LOTR :P). She is a thief/battle mage, sort of. I still need to get her magicka up, I'm out after a few spells.

Today I am getting a trim, my hair is really long in the back. It brushes on my neck and that bothers me. I am thinking about getting a tattoo on the back of my neck, since I will probably grow my hair out in the future. But I dunno. Probably when I am an old lady I will want short hair again. I am running over ideas for a small tattoo on the inside of my ankle, because I want to get a small one before I do my big one. Maybe a koi..? Dunno.

I'm listening to NOFX right now, and I'm not very impressed. All their songs kind of sound the same, and they're not very original. Mostly punk anti-government shit, and getting drunk, and I heard two songs where they sing about linoleum. Get some new lyrics, sheesh. And this one keeps repeating "don't call me white" and "don't label me." Well, you are white, and everyone is labeled. Get used to it. I am not listening to this any more, it is just annoying me. e_e

Duh! I am definitely going to get a tattoo of Kiki from Kiki's Delivery Service, I love that movie so so so much. It's so hopeful! And the song at the end always cheers me up when I am down.

one day, the whole world looks like an open page
and you've been dancing as fast as you can
with a smile on your face

and then the earth and the sky they open together
and carry me away as light as a feather
chase the clouds from the ground in the big blue sky
don't wanna watch it all go by

so i'm gonna fly, higher than i ever could
feel the wind blow through my hair
feel the sun dance with the moon
and my feet can't stay on the ground any longer
with every leap of faith i feel a little stronger
wanna swing from a star in the big blue sky
don't wanna watch it all go by

so i'm gonna fly, and see for myself
what it looks like from up there
and taste the stardust in my mouth
and chase the clouds until they disappear
and my feet can't stay on the ground any longer
with every leap of faith i feel a little stronger
wanna swing from a star in the big blue sky
don't wanna watch it all go by

so i'm gonna fly...